Voicemail hell replacing customer service
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You know what’s got me wrapped around the axle right now? Companies replacing actual people, living breathing talking and (sometimes) sentient people, with computerized voicemail systems. We’ve all had to face them - press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish and 3 for Tibetan Moon-phase chant. So it makes their lives easier, and improves their bottom line because they don’t have to hire phone monkeys? Is that what they say? You know what - hire a phone monkey. I’ll pay a bit more to have customer service that’s actually “servicing” a “customer” - me.
Now I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but it seems to me that if someone has bought your product, or paid to access your service, the very least you could do is have a human stand by to answer the phone in case they call up with a question. Nothing raises my blood pressure higher and faster than getting 27 levels deep in a hierarchical voicemail system, to hear “we are closed right now. Please call back tomorrow.” And this is after I have spent a geological time period wearing my finger to an abbreviated bloody stub pounding either the key that’s supposed to move me to the next action, or the “in case you want to speak to an attendant, press 0″.
Out-source it if you like. I understand that telephoning directory enquiries in the UK leads you straight to their new call center, where you’ll get an immediate response. From Hyderabad, or Delhi, or Mumbai, or whichever Indian location was selected because of cost and convenience. And it works. You reach a human, get your number, hang up and feel that all is right with the world and you can continue your day with peace. The operator may be sitting half way round the world, but you get the number you need, engage with another homo sapien with similar desires for their life, for their family, and feel a certain kind of contentment.
How much better is this than hearing “for customer service, dial 3 and enter the social security number of your urologist’s dog walker”?
Put me on hold. Or in voicemail hell. Or hang up on me. Just do one of these things, and I’m going to be writing your name on the list of people with whom I shall never again do business. It’s already a lengthy list (are you reading, whoever made these decisions at Nextel and Sprint?) and I’m happy to add names to it as needed. You’re getting close, 21st Century Insurance (who insist you not speak to a human while paying your insurance over the phone). Very close. If GEICO weren’t just imbeciles I’d be calling them again around about now.
But I digress. It’s simple and straightforward. If dealing with your Simple Hierarchical Interogative Telephone (yes, that’s an acronym) system makes me feel like I’m spiralling down into the deepest levels of Dante’s Inferno without chance of redemption or recovery, I’m gonna vote with my (middle) finger, hang up, and go spend my money with someone a little easier to deal with, and once I’ve gone I am
So shape up. I want to feel good about giving you my hard-earned money.
That is all. I’ve got to phone my mortgage company. You may hear a shriek. Nothing for you here, people. Move along. Good night.
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February 13th, 2006 at 10:03 am
Gah. I hate Hate HATE that too!!
Did you know about Paul English’s “Get Human” cheat sheet? It’s a list of companies and how to get around their SHIT IVR.
http://gethuman.com/us/
February 13th, 2006 at 11:13 am
I don’t completely agree with this rant, although I hear it all the time. I do think that every company that chooses to use an automated phone system should always make it clear that you can “press ## to speak to a representative.” However, the automated system can be good for both parties. It’s not just a convenient way to save money for the business. If I just want to get my credit card balance or hear the last few charges to my card, I’d much rather go through the automated system than wait on hold so a human could do it for me. I think that, with many businesses, there are many situations like that, where the customer can actually get faster more accurate service from an automated system. And yes, sometimes the customer service department is closed. That’s a fact that you have to deal with for any business, except for the very very large ones that can afford to staff their customer service department 24/7. An automated system that can help you with at least some of your questions is better than nothing at all, after hours. You say that you’d be willing to pay a little more to get better customer service. Well, you have to realize that you are in the minority. And I mean an EXTREME minority. The majority of consumers demand the cheapest price possible and don’t care how the company has to acheive it. And I find it a little appalling that you would recommend outsourcing customer service to another country to resolve the problem. This is certainly not something I’d like to encourage any company to do, American or otherwise. I’d much rather have them focus on a highly skilled customer service department in-house and an automated system that allows many of the smallest queries to be answered while their live reps are assisting customers with real issues. And this leads me to my own rant, that I’ll post soon….customers who need to call customer service for EVERY little thing, regardless of the endless amount of resources and tools available to them on the internet.
February 13th, 2006 at 11:44 am
Yeah, I really hate that too, although I do understand that companies need to keep costs down and that SOME of that savings does get passed on to the consumer. It’s not a trivial amount by the way. An IVR system that requires 2-3 developers to maintain can replace dozens of CSRs for savings up to the millions per year.
In fact, I even like the IVR systems sometimes because, once you know a system well, you canget simple information very quickly by memorizing the keys (e.g. 1-1-3-4-5 would you get a list of your last 5 checks cashed, etc.). However, I do have a couple of very annoying pet peeves. The first is systems that bury the option for talking to a live CSR. They make you go through all of the other options first, and only after you have gone through a very long and specific path, they will give you an option to talk to the CSR. My other big pet peeve is the vocal response systems. You know the ones, the stupid sounding ones that try to “talk” to you and you have to talk back? “Please ’say’ supercalifragilisticexpialidocious for your current balance”. “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand what you said, could you please repeat?” Those damn things annoy the living daylights out of me. ARGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
February 14th, 2006 at 5:17 pm
Yeah, the prompt systems definitely need to give you access to a live person at ANY time, not just after you’ve exhausted everything else.
Oh yeah, I hate the voice rseponse ones, too. But it’s mostly because I feel like an idiot sitting in my cube during my lunch hour saying “yes……no…..1223454…..red…..bananas…..the eagle flies at midnight….” Although, I do think they tend to understand me pretty often. Maybe I just annunciate better?
February 26th, 2006 at 11:47 am
I used to work for comcast high speed internet as a computer support specialist. The
reason the big companies end up using IVRs is because they have to pay real people
so god damn much for an incentive to work there. Really, it’s the most horrible
job in the entire world having to sit down and oh-so-sweetly talk to a pissed off,
idiot customer who can’t pay their bills on time, or can’t use freakin i-explorer.
If people could be NICE and CALM to the “phone monkeys”, then they would not have
to pay so much to get people to work the phones, and nobody would be forced into
using IVRs. But I guess it’s too much to ask for an american idiot to realize that
the person on the other end really IS trying their best to help.
March 11th, 2006 at 3:36 am
The classic comedy sketch made way back in the SIXTIES!!, of Lily Tomlin as a phone operator responding “We’re the phone company–we don’t care–we don’t have to” was a prelude of things to come as this country…no, this WORLD, approaches pure economic fascism (Big Business has taken over–pure and simple).
Banks (You need to borrow money just to break even, right?), Insurance companies (You need your health, right?) even the government (”Stand in line!) don’t care–THEY don’t have to!!